not going well.

I went with plan A, but it didn't work.

Then, I went with plan B, which didn't work too.

I thought of gave up many times, but somehow I couldn't.

I'm not come this far, to only come this far.

The moment.

The moment I admited my feeling was the moment I got lost.

For me to remember.

Hey, it's me again.

The last two weeks wasn't the best week of ky life. The most crucial, actually. Beside of my thesis deadline getting close, my dad got hospitalized for a heart attack.

June, 28th about 9.30 p.m. It was so sudden. And it was just a day after he said something about death ceremony. I totally lost my composure when he was at the emergency room. And when we got to the closest hospital, they couldn't take action bcs they didn't had heart-doctor (I don't know what they called). So we had to move to another hospital in the city. Long night passed slowly. I couldn't stop thinking about what he said the other day, and tears come automatically, all night. So did mom. Mom, me and bro stayed night at the space of the patient's fam. And it was an open room, and the night was so cold.

The next day, the hospital said that there was no development of dad's heart so we had to move again in the bigger hospital. And we ended up in one of the biggest hospital in Yogyakarta. The first three night was the toughest. Mom wouldn't want to stayed at the patient guest room so we had to deal and slept in the corner, with mattres and such.

Dad got better day by day and finally, we could go to home at July, 4rd in the evening.

He's still in a weak condition by now. But I really do hope for his health. There're still so much thing that I wanted him to see, to be proud of. I still want to eat together, giving him a hug  and kisses everymorning, and soon.

I love you Dad. The most, and always.

just a little, a very little little bit.

So, apparently I'm interested just a little, little, very little bit with this guy. Oh my god I finally admit it.. but it just a little bit okay!

He's kind of a friend, and I can say that we're pretty close. As close as I could drop off anytime at his dorm, and so is he at my home.

We weren't always together but we hung out several times. Shopping, got a run together, or just met by face to say hi, got chats sometimes just to over jokes or got some discussions over little thing. But that's it. Oh, and we got our "matching jersey". I called it that because it isn't good for my heart to called it "couple jersey" okay.

Ah. Actually I'm not really sure about my feeling toward him, you know. I mean, sometimes it feel like I was just going with the flow and we got close, but then we just stopped. It feels like there was always be an invisible wall between us. And when I gave some thoughts about our further relationship, apparently, I just gave up. And then I went back to the step one, and did that over again. It kind of my feeling was going in a circle. But amazingly and stupidly, I'm okay with it.

I don't know what will happen in the future, but I'm sure I'm wishing for the happiness. Ah, I mean his happiness. Oh god! Okay!! Our happiness!!!

With or without.