what am i thinking?

i had no worries in life.

no, actually i had a lots of worries. hundreds. thousands.

but my everyday mood doesn't seem like that at all.


people who don't know me wouldn't understand,

that i, too, have so many things in my mind.

i'm selfish, yes..

i'm only talking about my self, yes..


do i listen to people?
i, maybe do sometimes.

do i understand people?
i, maybe do sometimes.

do i care for people?
i, maybe do sometimes.


do people care about me?

not really fond of future.

what 19 year old me would say to my 24 year old me?

she might be disappointed, happy, disgust, i don't know. i never imagined hat everything would be turned out this way anyway.

what do i do now?

what 30 year old me would say?

what title should i write.

same shit.
i felt so messed up.

being in school was really hard, i often thinking how about i end this all at once. i mean, i always had this dream to do something hat would make a lot of money, being an entrepreneur i mean.

what's the point of me being in school, talking about something so abstract that actually didn't have anything to do in my daily life?

my mind felt like in a prison. i watched so many creative mind doing their job in real life, enjoying what they did, create things that change people's life, and made me want to do that too.

what would i be after finished school? i don't know...

i still face he same problem over and over again and haven't figure it out yet, while out there, a lot of my friend looks like they had figure it out and enjoying their life, and then i felt so lost.

where's all of my dreams from back then gone?

i felt so suck right now, i wanna cry.

it's been 5.30 pm in study room.

i don't even know what i'm doing this last few hours... i mean this whole day. i went to 7.30 am till 3.00 pm class and didn't even do my assignment. i spend the next 2 hours sitting in the study room and chatting, i mean, fangirling wth rc about aquaria. like what the hell. why did i choose this path in the first place? what's my motivations back then? I'm so doomed. might be damned.

i just don't know. sometimes i wanna cry all die. but what's next?

hi october.

nothing change much but my weight. lol.

how's my life? i think i'm doing good right now. 

well, this last few months passed to fast. i didn't even know what i was thinking back then, but now i'm in graduate program. still, i haven't figure it yet about what i'm gonna do or what i'm gonna be. i just let everything to flow.

ah fuck this new keyboard. i can barely write a sentence without typos and missing character.